Contemplating Carl: Summer 2011

The Precipice of Life

It is funny how life kind of seems like a rough draft that is always in various stages of editing. This is the dynamic nature of existence, but movement can be a scary thing. Safe, normative, static is what many people long for, but that is a myth that cannot be achieved. Every now and then we experience moments of stagnation where life has the appearance of being static. These moments become overwhelmingly monotonous and we desperately desire something to change. When life changes too much or too rapidly we long for life to become static; when life is momentarily static for too long it becomes stagnant and we desire for our lives to be more dynamic. So like a writer we sit with our rough draft moving between moments of writer’s block and inspiration. 

I feel like most of my life is in a moment of static suspension where I am just waiting. Waiting to find out about my permanent residency petition to be resolved. Waiting for the finances to continue in school. Waiting for things to begin to click in ministry. Waiting for the moment when things become dynamic again and life can once again teem with inspiration and movement. It is like I am standing on a precipice over looking a beautiful lagoon waiting for someone to signal me to let me know that things are clear below and it is ok for me to finally jump. 

I am learning that the greatest point of fear and curiosity exists in standing on the edge while looking down. It is the not knowing, the uncertainty that is all at once exhilarating and terrifying. I do not know how things are going to play out for me. I am uncertain as to how I will fair while plummeting towards the water. I know that God has called me to be a pastor. I know that God is leading me to church plant. I just need to have faith that God will continue to see me through the space between where I am now and where God has called me to be. 

There are times when I think that I cannot make it and I am overwhelmed by the way things seem to be. I look back and see God’s faithfulness in my past, but looking forward is filled with uncertainty. 

I was forced to take the summer quarter at Fuller Theological Seminary off for various reasons. The two main reason were finances and working on my immigration status. I have the paper work now that signifies that my petition for permanent residency has been received and I am now in the waiting process. But the finances for school are still needed. It is at these moments I am reminded of Jesus‘ words from the gospel according to Matthew, “do not be anxious about your life ... but seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.” 

The more I come to understand that my job is to just jump the clearer the water becomes. So as I stand on the edge of life’s precipice I wait for God to signal me to jump. Knowing that that is the only thing I can do the rest is left in the hands of God. The resolution of my permanent residency is in God’s hands. The finances for school are in God’s hands. My ministry is in God’s hands. Making all of this just another stage of editing that is continually refining my story and improving it. 

Worship & Healing

This August I was able to spend three weeks in Hawaii. I would love to say that it was a nice vacation; it was nice, but far from a vacation. I joked with my mom, who is a pastor in Honolulu, that I was busier on vacation than I was at work.

One of the reasons that I went to Hawaii this summer was to help with a worship retreat, with Andy Park, that the Spanish Campus of New Hope was hosting at the Bellows Air Force Base camp grounds. Three days of worship, fellowship, and listening to Andy Park speak about living a life of worship. On the final evening of the retreat, after Andy had finished speaking, he said, “I that God was wanting to heal people tonight.” My Mom, who has been suffering from severe and debilitating back pain for the past several months, raised her hand when Andy asked who needed healing. Everyone gathered around my mother, laid hands on her, and proceeded to pray for healing for her back. After about ten minutes of prayer my mom said she could feel her big toes. She explained that that was significant, because due to the damaged discs pushing on nerves, her toes had been numb and without feeling for over three months.

The next day my mom woke up early and went for a swim. That evening in church she demonstrated how the mobility in her back had greatly increased since being prayed for the night before. The day after that she was playing volleyball on a sand bar and snorkeling off the coast of Kaneohe. God had performed a miracle and healed my mom of her severe and debilitating back pain.

I look forward to the completion of this healing and the news that all the heath issues that have been ailing my mom are gone as well. But until then I will rejoice in this miracle and thank God for healing my mom of the agonizing pain in her back.  

Creating Space 

I have been part of the Walnut Valley Vineyard Church community now for one year. I have enjoyed the opportunity to serve this community in the capacity of young adults pastor. It has been a great learning experience for me. Forcing me to deal with a myriad of different circumstances. 

One of the things that I have been doing as the young adults pastor is cultivating a community that has been aptly named “The Living Room.” The Living Room is a place where the young adults gather to share life and engage in conversations about life. It has been great getting to know and work with the young adults of Walnut Valley Vineyard Church. I have had the privilege of watching members of this community  grow in and wrestle with their faith.

I also have had the opportunity to work directly with the senior pastor Mark Maki. In addition to with the young adults Pastor Mark has placed me in charge of revitalizing the Sunday morning service, which allows me to tap into the skills I gained while overseeing the Youth service in Hawaii. I love being involved in creating an environment where people can gather to worship God together. One of the greatest things is standing at the back of a room and watching people gathered, hands raised, worshiping God together.