A Messy I Like You type of Love
“He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.”
—John 21:18
Observation:
Dr. Paul Louis Metzger pointed something out in this passage last week that I noticed and found no real significance in before. In this passage Jesus asks Peter three times “do you love me;” Three times Peter responds to Jesus saying that he does love him. All three times that Peter responds he uses the Greek verb for love, phileo. The first two times that Jesus asks Peter the question “do you love me,” Jesus uses the Greek word of love, agapeo, and the third time he uses the same word for love as Peter, phileo.
The reason I dismissed this as not significant is because of the way that I was taught to read these two Greek words for love. The professor who taught me Greek said that even though many people make the claim that agapeo is a divine and unconditional love and phileo is a lesser love based on fellowship, the reality is that the two words are used synonymously throughout the Bible. If we look at this passage and see it as Jesus just using these two different Greek words for love synonymously then there would be no significance to Jesus’ use of phileo the third time he asks Peter if he loves him. But if there is a difference in these two kinds of words then the use of phileo potentially carries with it a huge significance.
Metzger posed the question to us, the class, “what if phileo is not a lesser love, but a greater love?” Metzger went on to explain that if phileo is a love based in fellowship and friendship instead of unconditional love then Jesus’ use of it is an affirmation of the statement, “I no longer call you slaves, but friends.” Jesus is appealing to a deepening of his relationship with Peter. It seems to suggest that Jesus is saying, “Peter you love me within our slave/master relationship, but do you love me as a brother, as a friend, as an equal.” In a patriarchal society that is based on class and position, and where upper mobility was rare this change in relationship is huge. This change is not just a statement of liking Peter more, but rather an elevation of status and a dismantling of their hierarchical relationship making the phileo kind of love the greater kind of love.
Application:
Metzger’s interpretation of the John 21 really challenged me. In my paradigm unconditional divine love had always trumped human relationship love. But what is greater a love that by nature requires nothing to maintain or a love that requires sacrifice in order to maintain the conditions that even make love possible? I think sacrificial love will always win out.
Metzger talked about this dichotomy by using the example of Christians saying, “I love you with God’s love, but I don't like you; I have to love you, but I don’t have to like you.” The reality of that statement leads to the obvious fallacy that God can love you and not like you, but the reality of God’s love is that God does not just want to love you God wants to be in a messy I like you type relationship based on a phileo kind of love. In this kind of love God is no longer this transcendent being, but an imminent and incarnational lover. The irony is that it is easy to see God within a Hierarchal relationship where God is boss and beyond me, but to see God as a human divested of power washing the feet of his friends is actually very difficult to comprehend for me. Samir Selmanovic on Twitter said, “You will never understand God until you can see God kneeling before you washing your feet.”
Prayer:
Lord, Help me to comprehend your love for me. Thank you for constantly deconstructing my paradigms. In Jesus name I pray Amen…
Comments